Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
