part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
