I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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