Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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