i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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