You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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