why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
