I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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