i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
