So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
