i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
