Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
