Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
