There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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