woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
