Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
