Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
