You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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