Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
