I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
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You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
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Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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