Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
