my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
