Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
