There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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