Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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