Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
