I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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