I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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