All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
