I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
