sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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