"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
