What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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