Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
