yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
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