just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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