Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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