i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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