I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
