he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize