Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
