3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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