Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
