I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
