Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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