Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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