That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
