Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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