these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
