I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
