I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
