last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
