My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
