you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
