Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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