I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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