Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
