i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
