The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Holy sore nipples Batman
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
