she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think I am morally bankrupt
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Alive.
So much puke
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
