Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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